U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
