I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
we should paint friendship bongs
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
