would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize