shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Bring me that man meat
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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