some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
