Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
