I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
