i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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