im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
