im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
