I must be too annoying 4 u.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
