You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
