I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
