He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize