I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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