I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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