glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
