Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
