This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
