I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
