Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
