You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
