Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
