im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
