If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Randomize
