There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
