my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
