You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
