Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
