it's like my freshman wet dream come true
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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