Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
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