I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
