You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
