I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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