When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
