Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize