who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Can you repeat that, but with context?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
