man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
