Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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