in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
