By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Randomize
