I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
