WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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