her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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