She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
