When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
