So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
