i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
