I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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