kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Randomize
