is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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