this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
