Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
