I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Randomize
