garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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