chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
