You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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