i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
