I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
