I molested 6 butterflies tonight
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
