This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
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