Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize