naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Randomize
