I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Randomize
