but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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