You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Randomize