i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Are my feet made of real feet?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
