They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
