pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
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