Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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