whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Randomize
