Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
They are going to name an STD after you.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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