Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Randomize
