my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
