tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Randomize
