We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
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