i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Randomize
