I am spending my child support on dildos
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
