You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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