Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
