True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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