You don't have asthma, your pregnant
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize