I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
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