And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
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