It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
