3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
even my farts smell like vagina
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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