We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Randomize
