are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize