last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Randomize
