32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
