Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
