I cockslap morals
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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