If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Randomize
