I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
