i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
