if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
