Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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