And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Is this like a preordered booty call?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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