Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
