Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
