THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Randomize