the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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