There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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