I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
