I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
