Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Randomize
