He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
