Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
