o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
