If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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