yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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