I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
i think im in europe. pls send help
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
