I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
