sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
